Good morning, good afternoon and good evening readers,

When you live with OCD and depression it can be difficult to remember that it is triggered by other anxieties and stresses. Despite having a tab about this very aspect on my lil’ old spreadsheet, it is still something that I forget to consider on almost EVERY OCCASION. You get into this trance like existence where you think that it defines you and will one day consume you with no return, like when the goody in a film turns into a baddy. This last week has been pretty tough. Everyday that I have managed to get out of my bed I have given my self an imaginary pat on the back. Some days I might even give myself a physical one, just for extra motivation. Why not? Be your own cheerleader! As you can see from my previous post, I had a night on the sauce, a bit of el boozo cruise-o. Unfortunately, like many of us, I don’t react to well to the hangover stage and most of my “episodes” have been the result of an alcoholic adventure. My CBT therapist had a wonderful idea “Charlotte, why don’t you just stop drinking if you know it affects you so negatively afterwards”. Darlin’ we all know that, that’s probably why we drink. A bit of flagellation to bring us back down to humility. Also, how easy would that be huh? Just “stop drinking”. LOL. No, no my dear. This way creates a much more interesting spectacle. See the wonderful stages in the image for this post taken by Amy.

The Elephant = The party. I am drunk and having a great time!!!
Eeyore = The morning after. I am very, deeply concerned at my behaviour and general existence right now.
And then Piglet = The following week. Let’s be honest, this guy has seen way too much dodgy stuff. He is questioning all of humanity at this point. But still trying to look like he is okay. He is not. Quite clearly.

So, after my little drinking drama my mood hit an all time low. When I get into this frame of mind, I often turn into a depressed Professor Briaaaaaan Cox. In this role I search the world for all it’s scientific facts that support the reasons for us being alive and what the purpose of life is. This is my signal for a downward spiral. Enter my coping methods. I tried blessing lists, CBT techniques and meditating, all of which were helpful. However, I never considered what might actually be underneath this feeling of dread. Rather than me bore you with just words, let us look at a diagram. Here, we have an iceberg, the top being the surface depression and then everything underneath that we don’t see immediately. These stressors are the supportive base keeping the tip of the iceberg above the water. I hope am hoping that the sun with melt this giant ice cube pretty darn soon!

All of these factors contribute to the current cultural shock process that I am experiencing. I thought initially that a cultural shock went as follows:

*witnessing something from another culture*

Me, “Oh man, I am so shocked.”

Who knew it was so much more complex!? Anyway, it is and I’m in stage two of “negotiations”. In laymen’s terms it means that I am becoming frustrated with the differences to my own culture and adjusting to how my identity fits in this yoghurt pot (because there is so much culture lol).

So, now that I understand why I have been feeling so shit, I am going to use some handy dandy advice from Amy. Depression is very much like any other illness. You have your causes, the illness itself with its symptoms and then the treatments toward recovery. I understand the causes better now, I certainly know my symptoms and finally I am working on my treatments. I will probably get ill again, maybe even in the near future. But we all get sick, and what’s the point in cursing it when we know that we will feel better soon?

In kindness,
C x