Good morning, good afternoon and good evening readers,

As you can tell from the title of this interesting little entry, today is all about confessions.

Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been twenty-five years since my last confession. The last time I confessed was when I came out of the womb and screamed “Oh Lawwwd please let me go back in!” LOL jokes. This gossip isn’t really that juicy.

So here it goes…

Never have I ever… in my whole twenty-five years on this planet… really and truly… with all my being… missed home or the people in it.

Aghast! Shock! Horror! She is a monster!!

The truth is, I probably have missed people. But I was on that repression locomotive for so long that it never rose to the surface. Boy did I have to get off that track though as the only destination was loneliness. Truth.

I have been experiencing this “missing people” feeling for about the last week. At first, I thought maybe I just ate something bad, but no, turns out it’s just emotions. Who knew? Last night it all came to a head when I rested my weary head for a good night’s kip but couldn’t sleep. Those of you that know me, know that I can SLEEP. Like I can SLEEP for DAYS if I really wanted to. I actually did sleep for twenty-four hours once. Any who, I digress. So, I’m laying in my bed, twisting here and turning there and all of a sudden, I start to day dream about the most wonderful things.

1. I am living in Brentwood (wtf didn’t see that one coming). I’ve got a swanky flat in which I am eating marmite on toast and having a cup of tea (with Yorkshire tea bags). Then I jump on the TFL and go into London to see some of my pals. The English language is all around me, no one randomly touches my arm because they have no concept of personal space, no one is staring at me because I look different, no one is smiling at me.
2. Then I switch to another heavenly day, I’m on my way to Colchester, I go to see my friends and Frazer and my family. We are all on Mersea Island, I can see the sea. It is brown and murky. I have another cup of tea which looks just like the sea (with a Yorkshire tea bag). Maybe some more marmite on toast. We have fish and chips.
3. Then another day chimes in! I am in Birmingham with my brothers and my dad. We are singing crazy songs with Elvis Presley faces. We have ANOTHER cup of tea (Yorkshire tea bags naturally). These incredible days with cups of teas and marmite on toast go on for eternity as I make my way around the island I call home. Just pure English unadulterated bliss.
4. I miss the library, oh the library with ALL the English books! I miss “popping to the shop”. I miss pubs and pub beer gardens! I miss the rainy, gloomy weather! I miss, I miss, I miss…
5. I miss home. A lot.

I didn’t really see all of that coming to be honest. I am a bit flabbergasted. I had settled in the fact that when I go home I will be straight off to another destination again. I really was planning on moving to a jungle, but I couldn’t find any flats on Right Move. Now here I am looking forward to the day that I go home and can start my own little Essex life again. Lots of people here have a perception that the UK is this gloomy place where it rains all of the time and everyone is so reserved that they pass one another like ships in the night. They aren’t completely wrong. But that is the beauty of it and when you know it as your home, you realise that there is so much more to it than that. We are so free to be however and whoever we want. At least much more so than in other countries. I am very fortunate and appreciate everyone one of you. I personally love my gloomy, moody island.

There is another side to this story which led me to these daydreams, however that’s for another time, another life. Well, just another blog post but I am trying to sound all dramatic and what not.

In kindness and longing,
C x