Good morning, good afternoon and good evening readers,

It’s been eight long days since I last had a cup of tea. I mean it’s actually been

• 7,689,600 seconds
• 128,160 minutes
• 2136 hours
• 89 days
• 12 weeks and 5 days
• 24.38% of 2018

sinc I last had a PROPER cuppa tea, but who’s counting.

As I write I can feel the piping hot tea pour down my throat, steaming my chest, warming my heart and filling a tiny part of home.

Now, back to business. It’s been a couple of weeks since my last blog post. Don’t panic! Have no fear! No need to call the emergency services. I am here, I’ve just been out of the country on a little hollibobs. On 20^th June I left Armenia on an excursion to complete a training course that is part of my EVS. No joke ya’ll, but I left on that midday train to Georgia. I really embraced being able to say that, I think I text about five people.I spent four days in Kobuleti, also spending time in Batumi, and saw the sea for the first time in also 7,689,600 seconds. It was so so lovely and wonderful to see the sea.

For me, this training session was very much about continuing my growth in being an open and honest person. I’d rate myself a six outta ten with room for improvement.
Once we got the hotel and settled, I grabbed my book and headed straight for the balcony that looked over the water. This was a strategic hiding place because I could be “doing something” and it was also away from the main corridor, so no one would pass me. Smart thinking Charlotte. Somehow, whenever I quietly left the balcony people kept arriving and I managed to be at the entrance to the hotel welcoming them in. Yes, okay universe I get it, talk to people, don’t hide, be involved. The universe is so annoying. When the training started I continued in “Charlotte Mode” which consisted of not talking to people, displaying uninviting body language and generally being a robot. But then I was soon welcomed by that sombre, immersing feeling of loneliness. I knew that I couldn’t continue “existing” so decided to make an action plan. I would like to share with you the ways in which I pushed myself:

1. One session involved using nature to show our EVS story so far. “Put your money where your mouth is”, I thought to myself. I was honest about my experience so far and told these strangers how the small synchronicities were keeping me here, but that my anxiety, depression and OCD was still very much a part of daily life. They felt less like strangers afterwards.
2. In the other sessions where we had to form groups, I made a B-Line for the people that I felt the strongest energy from. Usually I would sit back and then give off enough bad energy that I could maybe work on my own. Not this time sweet cheeks! The ghost of rejection loomed within me but what can I say, I ain’t afraid of no ghosts!
3. I was writing about my learning experiences in my notebook when one of the other volunteers sat down and asked me what I was writing. I’m not going to lie but I was a bit tempted to be brief and uninteresting. I decided not to, and we discussed our learnings together. Turns out they had liked my ideas and I liked theirs, winner winner spiritual chicken dinner. We are going to continue sharing.
4. THEN I got really drunk so all that hostile bullshit went out the window and people saw the real me. Those who know me, know what I am like when I am drunk. God save their souls. I missed the last day due to an incredibly horrific hangover but what the hell, someone has got to show these guys how the English have no self-control or limitations when they drink! My end goal would be to show my true self without the aid of homemade wine. We live in hope.

The people that I met on the course were so kind and I really connected with quite a few of them. I had been struggling with not finding that many people in Yerevan who I connected with on a deeper level. But just as always, the universe was looking out for me and dished up a buffet of some good old fashioned human connections. Sadly, not all of those are in Yerevan, but I am sure that I will enjoy them again someday. Over the four days, we also explored our frustrations, expectations, disappointments and gave life to them so that they could be truly felt and then left there on the stony beach. It isn’t until you reflect on your journey that you realise how far you have come. I have grown in ways that I didn’t expect to grow, felt things that I didn’t expect to feel and loved things that I never expected to love. I hope I have more opportunities to share the real me with others. Sometimes, the biggest gift you can give, is the gift of yourself to others.

Before I attended the course, I wasn’t 100% sure what relevance it had to my EVS and how beneficial it would be. Turns out that it is extremely relevant and was incredibly beneficial. You think you know it all hey.

In connected kindness,
C x