Good morning, good afternoon and good evening readers,

I haven’t had any Wi-Fi here so I’ve been unable to post. I would say also that I’ve been living in my head and not had the energy to write this out. I’ll transport you back to my journey to Gokarna.

I forget what day it was now, but I believe it to have been the 29th. After taking some advice from my friend, I moved on from Kochi. Though it is lovely, it wasn’t the right place for me to face the things that haunt me. I couldn’t even eat a crisp without bursting into tears. A friend told me that India will challenge you in the places you need. My god, does this place know how to hit the spot.

Walking into the train station, I was met with a sea of Indian faces. In a game of “Where’s Wally White Guy?” I scanned for a European. Right or wrong, when I feel my safety is unsettled I look for those that are most similar to me. Not because I think they are safer, but because I think that at that moment in time, their emotions are closest to mine. Alas, no white folk, I’m on my own. The seating areas were segregated into classes and each member of the cattle knew their station. I headed for the ladies room (not the loo), hopefully they would comfort me. Even if only with their minds. I was able to find my carriage and bed without too much stress. To say the least, I was pretty proud of myself.

When I got to my bed I chained my bag to a pole, much to the distaste and offence of a rich Indian below me. My safety seems more important than their own insecurities. I had bought a first class train ticket for £20, thinking that this would be best especially in my delicate state. It was comfortable enough, fairly basic. Let’s just say, I dread to think what the other classes were like.

I set about getting some shut eye, floating in and out of a semi conscious state. All was going as well as it could, that was until I had a strange hallucination. During the night I opened my eyes to a 6ft white man, wobbling his head at me Indian style. I rubbed my eyes and tried to get clarity of the vision in front of me, but he was still there. Was this real or a dream? After a few minutes I wobbled my head back and he melted away. All that was left in his place was a humming steel fan, spinning and spinning.

I’ve had hallucinations in the night, just like most of us. But I’ve never really considered them as having a purpose or message. This one was clear. Though caution is needed, do not let it taint every interaction. You can still keep yourself safe and give kindness to others. In other words, if they wobble at ya, wobble on back.

In hallucinations,

C x